by Steve Marriott
The world of coaching is changing. Successful people, the world over will at some point talk about a great coach or mentor who has helped and inspired them on their way to fame. So why is it that ‘coaching’ is still seen in many organisations as something to be avoided? Do you work in an organisation where to be ‘coached’ means to be ‘performance managed’?
We all want to be better at something in our lives; perhaps you want more of (maybe less of) something in your life, but from time to time we find ourselves ‘stuck’, procrastinating or simply unable to move forward with our dreams and desires.
I was once paid a huge compliment by a fellow coach.
“Steve creates ‘Houdini moments’ for people – enabling them to break free from seemingly inescapable situations.”
I‘ve found that taking the traditional route or listening to ‘common wisdom’ is often the cause of a person becoming stuck. Creating Houdini moments requires different thinking – something that like the great man himself, challenges the ‘common wisdom’ of the time. My style of coaching is unorthodox and challenging. Like Master-coaches the world over I break with the norm and employing thinking and techniques which not only transform the world of coaching but transform the lives of those I work with. Core to this revolution is the belief that my job as coach is to create the right state for my clients to find their own solutions. In short – to light the blue touch paper and get out of the way!
The trouble with ‘Common wisdom’ is that although it is indeed common, wise it certainly is not. Common wisdom is the product of everyone else’s experience, beliefs and rules – and that may be fine for them, but Houdini coaching is about helping people define their own meaning, beliefs and rules. To create the life you want to live.
My work in developing the next generation of ‘super’ coaches addresses some of these ‘rules’.
Common Wisdom – Coaching takes time
Our Outlook driven lives have created a culture and custom where we chunk our days into bite-sized 60 or 30 minute blocks. Most coaches follow this trend and allocate similar time chunks for their coaching sessions. Alongside this almost instinctive programming goes a belief that sessions not filling the allocated time are deficient in some way; that the client is being short-changed. Impetus and focus can then be lost by padding out the session with micro-detail, unnecessary questions and second positioning.
The result
Overdone and poorly focussed coaching leading to further inaction and procrastination. People see coaching as time consuming and long-term with little real transformation or impact or worse still, become dependent upon the coach as a catalyst for movement.
Houdini Thought
Transformation can happen in a heartbeat. Coaching doesn’t have to be a passive encounter – get some energy into it! Yes there may be a time for quiet reflection – BUT change the focus or physiology of your client, (preferably both!) and you automatically change their thinking and reality. Create a state of curiosity, possibility or even dissatisfaction to enable your client to experience their issue from multiple perspectives.
And who says the coach has to be there when the lightning of transformation strikes? Human beings instinctively and automatically answer questions they see, hear or imagine. Reading the question “What is the weather like today?” we all instantly create our own answers. Whatever question is asked and indeed to whomever, we are helpless to act upon this programming. Houdini coaches use this understanding to sow a seed and leave it to grow, knowing that the client will make the best choice for themselves. Remember, our job is to create the most resourceful state, light the blue touch-paper and get out of the way!
Try this! – Shrink your timelines by creating opportunities to coach people in five minutes or less. By managing state more effectively and asking higher quality questions notice how your ability to get to transformation gets speedier.
Common Wisdom – The coach as expert
The only way a coach can help is from their own expertise and experience of a situation and knowing the way to solve the problem. New and inexperienced coaches tread cautiously, believing they need time and practice to create sufficient experience and expertise of an issue in order to give the best ‘advice’. When they take the plunge, they use this knowledge to second position the client and work on solutions they would employ if faced with a similar issue or situation.
Houdini thought
Nature needs balance. For a ‘problem’ to take form, the ‘solution’ must somehow have been thought of and rejected or blocked for some reason.
“The brain that contains the problem contains the solution – often the best one.”
Nancy Kline
Your job as a coach is to create the right state and environment for the brain with the problem to access its own solution. For me, that means asking a high quality question without need for a response. Your experience can often create another level of complexity and blockage to the client accessing their own solution. Advice from a place of expertise and experience can be invaluable, AND should be used with caution. Offer it with your permission for it to be rejected by the client.
Try this! – Improve your ability to get out of the way and allow your client to create their own solution by encouraging them to go ‘content free’. Allow them to answer your questions inside their head. Their only response could be thank you or no thank you depending upon the usefulness of your question or challenge.
Common Wisdom – Coaching as a linear process
Coaching follows a linear path. The session moves smoothly from step one to step two and so on to a successful outcome. The sign of a great coaching session is the depth of conversation and the adherence to a set path or process.
Houdini thought
More words = more misunderstanding. Everything we say to each other – written or spoken will be misinterpreted in some way, that’s just the nature of communication. Why not limit the chances of complete misunderstanding by limiting the number of words used? A few well selected questions words or actions can radically increase the impact of your coaching.
Linear models provide structure and are easy to remember, which is a sign of their success and longevity. Houdini coaches do not reject the wisdom of such models – rather they understand that the human mind is far from linear in thinking and creation.
Try this! – become a collector of great questions. Notice the questions you use or hear that have a real impact. Remember the words or question and use it to create your own bank of fabulous, high quality questions.
Common wisdom – People are fragile
There are some issues that simply shouldn’t be addressed with coaching. By asking the wrong questions you could take the person to a worse place than they currently are. They could become even more entrenched, stuck or scared.
Houdini Thought
People are stronger and more resilient than we give them credit for. What’s true is that the thinking that has led them to be where they are today certainly won’t get them to where they want to be in the future. True, trickier situations require deeper and stronger levels of rapport and confidence to enable you to create the best state for your client but that’s no reason to skirt around an issue. In fact, skirting around the issue can often lead to a worse situation than tackling it head on. By ignoring and dancing around the heart of an issue, we can often grant it permission to be exist and be ‘right’ for the client.
Our brains are programmed to do two things – avoid pain, loss, discomfort and death, and seek out what makes us feel safe, comfortable and protected. Your questions as a coach may be ‘uncomfortable’ initially but they will provoke different thinking AND isn’t coaching all about creating new and different choices? Your client will not make a choice they don’t want to and furthermore they won’t take action upon a choice if it will lead them to a place that is worse than they are currently experiencing.
Try this – Just ask the question.
At worst your client will say ‘no thank you’ and remain unchanged – at best they just might change their lives!
Radical? Maybe. Ruthless? Quite possibly. Transformational? Absolutely!
Creating Houdini moments will not only increase the impact you have and transform your approach to coaching but also transform the lives of those you coach. My style of coaching doesn’t suit everyone. One thing’s for sure. If you know what you want and are committed to getting it – then get in touch with me at steve@kaizen-training.com to discover ways for you to achieve lasting and transformational success even more quickly and elegantly!
