I gave an interactive lecture on Psychology to a group of A-level students recently. While I had thought through most of what I was going to cover, and had brought along some tasks, I had estimated the numbers wrongly and so there weren’t enough handouts to go round. I also went completely off piste on several occasions and made up new things for them to do as I went along. I wasn’t sure that this had worked too well. I was not delighted with my performance, and, as I walked back across campus, I imagined that I had decreased the chance that a bunch of enthusiastic students would want to study my favourite subject.
I know that I am probably (no- definitely) my own harshest critic. I see all the details that go wrong in situations, and think them through immediately. I am much less likely to focus on the things that went well, so I guess the balance of my opinion is very different to other people’s opinions. And that makes me a very poor mind reader because the way I consider events is very different from how other people will judge them.
I was therefore delighted to read a paper by Tal Eyal and Nicholas Epley which considered how we might use these facts to increase the chance of mind reading well.
What they realised was that there are two important differences in the detail with which we judge ourselves compared to how other people judge us (whether it be attractiveness, how well we teach, or whether people like us). First, we look at events in very fine detail from a perspective of greater information about the whole event. Other people do not know us much as we do, and are more likely to consider overall features rather than the fine detail. And, secondly, we consider every event in the immediate present. Other people tend to reflect on events at leisure and so will look back on the gist rather than the detail.
So how can we use this to become better mind readers? There are two ways this can help. First, if you want to get better at reading what people think of you, Eyal and Epley showed that considering other people’s opinions from a time in the future led to more accurate perceptions. So, distancing yourself from the event makes you more accurate. And, if you want to get better at thinking about other people’s opinions of themselves, imagine how they might be feeling in the moment and associate yourself with the way they feel in detail. In Eyal and Epley’s study, this worked better than taking the other person’s perspective. They argue that thinking at a finer level of detail about how a person is feeling is better than trying to consider what other things you might be missing by thinking it through from their perspective.
Here’s a challenge for you – try both judging yourself the way you typically do, and thinking about how other people judge you by distancing yourself from the event and ignoring the detail that only you can know. Write down how you think people will see you from each perspective, and then ask people what they think. Which way is more accurate – fine detail or from the future? Then try forming an opinion of how someone will see themselves in your typical way, and by thinking in very fine detail about the event. Again, write down how you think they will see themselves from each perspective. Ask them how they feel and then check which perspective is more correct. I would love to hear what you find!
As for my lecture – the feedback was fantastic. The students loved it and said it was the best part of the day. And, looking back from a distance, I think they might have been right!
