The Currency of Appreciation

As another year draws to a close I’m reflecting on what I’ve appreciated about 2011, and in particular the people I have worked with, socialised with and lived with. I’m also reflecting on the extent to which I am appreciated (I do this from time to time, usually as I embark on yet another ‘taxi’ journey at 10.30 on a Friday evening to collect one of my sons from a party!).

I remember, years ago, having a moan to a friend about feeling unappreciated by my partner. She noted that Valentine’s Day was coming up and asked me what I would like my partner to do. I replied that a bunch of roses would be nice, to which she suggested I call his PA and drop a rather enormous hint. I was horrified (surely she had missed the point) and spluttered in indignation, ‘Call his PA, why should I have to do that?’ ‘Because’, she responded calmly, ‘you’re the one that wants it’.

Showing our appreciation for others can be a bit of a minefield. It requires us to choose the right kind of action in order to elicit a feeling (or at least, that’s often the language we use – we want to feel appreciated). The office Christmas bash is a classic example. How difficult is it to find a style of event that will work for everyone? Almost impossible, I would wager – based on the certainty that one person’s ‘big night out’ is another’s cringe-inducing nightmare.

So, let’s imagine some of the folk in your team are feeling demoralised and unloved (it happens sometimes, doesn’t it!). Perhaps you’ve employed a selection of creative approaches to address it – the rallying speech, buying them donuts, telling them what a great job they’re doing… yet no change. A helpful next step is to quit the guessing game tactics and ask them what they want. Ask them individually. What would make them feel valued / special / thanked? It will be different things for different people, and the responses might be surprising. More access / exposure to your boss maybe … a note copied to the whole team to say what a great job they’re doing … a simple heartfelt thank you for a job done well. The currency of appreciation is different for all of us and may be contextual too.

Notice too that, if you’re someone who doesn’t need much outward or public recognition for yourself, it may not be the first thing you think of to give it to others. However if you’re working with someone who wants to be acknowledged and appreciated, you might be missing a key opportunity to motivate them.

The flip side of all of this is what makes you feel valued. If your perception is that appreciation or acknowledgement is not coming your way, maybe it’s coming in a form you don’t recognise – simply because the currency is a different one from yours. For example, I have learned not to expect a fanfare when I turn out on a Friday evening – it’s just expected. There are other ways my teenagers express appreciation though, and it brings a smile to my face even as I think about it. After all, why shouldn’t I choose to believe their view that my apple crumble is simply ‘the best’?

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Posted Monday, December 12th, 2011 in Changing, Coaching, Communication Skills, Entrepreneurship, Kaizen, Leadership, Leading, Neuroscience/Psychology, Personal Development, Topical Debate. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.