Jimmy Saville died over the weekend. This week, our tip comes to you from Melissa Mehta, a great coach and a friend of Kaizen.
As a child of the 70s, I knew there was always a chance that a platinum blonde, cigar-toting, radio DJ may turn up, grant my dearest wish and give me a medal. Do you want to ride an elephant? Of course you can. How about demolishing a tower block? Press this button. What about having everyone pipe down and listen? Let me see…
Jim’ll Fix It encouraged imaginations to run spectacularly wild. It also taught the benefits of taking the easiest route to getting what you want: simply asking for it.
This is a notion I was pleased to remember, earlier this month.
It’s a cold crisp autumn morning. I’m in a bright new sixth form block with fifty feisty 17-year-olds and a massive box of felt-tip pens, exploring the importance of goal setting. There’s a buzz in the room as they work through an exercise. Time is limited and I want to cut through the chat and move on.
I notice that my croaky and soggy cold has left me sounding like an asthmatic llama. A rather timid asthmatic llama who’s running out of volume with every strained sentence.
Using a clapping game to break into the hubbub, I ask myself how I’m going to inveigle/cajole/demand/ manipulate/force/bribe them into being quiet. I conjure up a few new exercises I could insert on-the-fly, which may distract them enough to allow me to move things on. I consider shifting to a more reflective and calm mood, so I can make myself heard. I catch myself viewing the students as ‘the enemy’, undermining my plan, and creating a problem to be solved.
And then I remember some of my learning from last month’s Kaizen facilitator masterclass. I recall I do not need to be an omnipotent, ever-virtuous (and occasionally dictatorial) superwoman taking full ownership of and responsibility for… well… everything. Phew. Being good at my job is not about being infallible. It is about encouraging everyone to take their share of responsibility. When appropriate I can simply ask for what I want.
So I say: “You may have noticed that I sound like an asthmatic llama. I have a sore throat, and I can’t speak very loudly. Could I ask you to help me out by being extra attentive to when we need to be quiet please?”. And they are.
Medals all round.
Call to action:
1. Consider your default setting with respect to asking for help when facing a challenge (whether facilitating or doing something else). Are you happy to ask for what you need, or do you tend to use other methods to get your way? What stops you from being honest?
2. When debriefing your last training session/board meeting/family discussion, identify one area in which you might have benefited from help.
3. Put yourself back in that situation mentally, and practise speaking out loud your request for help.
4. Imagine the positive response to your request, and build the belief that asking for help is ok.
5. When facing your next challenge for real, internally consider what help you could use. If appropriate, ask for it.
I’d love to hear about the most unusual request you’d made or witnessed at work, and the best and most effective responses.
