by Helen Krag
I remember vividly a particular delegate on one of my training workshops. At the beginning of the second day he shared with the group that he was ‘fed up’ at work because ‘nobody ever remembers my name’. His colleagues would call him by the name of the person who did the job before him, or would simply make up a random name and call him that. It was clear from the heartfelt way he described this issue that it was something which affected him deeply. It was affecting others in the group too, as he told his story.
I can still remember his name!
However, I think it would be unfair to share it here, ironic though that may be. So I’m going to call him Joe Waters. I turned to Joe and gently offered him my observations from the previous morning when he had first joined the course:
I described how, when he entered the room for the first time, I was standing talking to two other delegates. He walked across to the far side of the room and sat down on a chair, saying nothing. I went over to introduce myself, speaking my name clearly, and he responded with a mumble which I didn’t quite catch. So I cast a glance at my delegate list, convinced I would find his name there. Unfortunately though, he was listed as J. Waters (in contrast to all the other delegates who had provided their full first name and surname).
Undeterred, when we started the training, I asked each delegate to introduce themselves by name and say a few words. Joe managed the few words, but omitted to mention his name. Hence he had three opportunities to tell me his name, and he didn’t take any of them.
When I had finished my recount, I watched Joe’s reaction with interest. His eyes filled with tears, and he was clearly moved by what he had heard.
The principles of this story are true for pretty much all of us.
- We all, from time to time, experience situations that are not going our way. Often if they’re not working for us, there is a good chance they’re not working for others either. I suspect that, in Joe not making his name clearly known to his colleagues, he was probably affecting the performance of the team he worked with as well as disadvantaging himself.
- It can be easy to suppose that the cause of the problem lies with others rather than with us. I’m fairly certain that Joe apportioned some kind of blame to his colleagues – surely it was their responsibility to remember his name?
- There is always something we can do to influence a situation (or at least our response to it!). In Joe’s case he needed to find clearer ways to introduce himself in order to give others a proper chance to get to know his name.
Focus on what you can do.
So, what is your influence blind spot? Where in your life are you failing to take personal responsibility for something that’s not going well for you? And what can you do differently, or how can you respond differently, to get a better result?
Helen is offering a FREE copy of her ‘8 Top Strategies and Skills for Influencing that Really Work’. Email helen@kaizen-training.com to receive yours.
Helen specialises in helping women step up in their careers.
For more resources…
Sign up for your FREE personal copy of my monthly email news digest Stepping Up with stories, case studies, videos, quotations and ideas for you to be more influential in the workplace.
